Body Image

Chapter 68, The Body Politic in Readings for Diversity and Social Justice is very interesting to me personally.  In spite of the fact I am now very much overweight, I once struggled with an eating disorder.  I really struggled with writing about this time in my life because I think people who see me as I am know will never believe me. 

With that said, I will attempt to allow you guys a small glimpse into my personal battle with a combination of anorexia and bulimia.  It actually started with a bleeding peptic ulcer.  Due to the blood in my stomach I vomited frequently and lost a little weight before my physicians were able to diagnosis the ulcer and treat it.  I gained the weight back, which made me think I could get really skinny by vomiting.  So I started purging everything I ate or drank.  After a few months, I would go for several days without eating or drinking at all.  My senior year of high school, I missed over forty-five days of school because I was so frequently hospitalized due to dehydration.  Because I missed so many days, I had to go before the school board and convinced them to allow me to graduate.  The only reason I was not forced to repeat my senior year was that I was an honor student with a very high GPA. I continued my pattern of starving and purging until I was in my early twenties.  I was sent to Scott & White hospital in Temple, TX at the age of twenty and spent several weeks attempting to get better.  The physician told my family, I would probably not live; they could not help me because I was unwilling to be helped. 

Shortly after that I was involved in a severe car wreck. I suffered a closed head injury, which caused me to develop severe migraines and other medical issues. I spent months in physical and cognitive rehab, which made it very difficult for me to keep up my eating disorder routine.  I would love to say, I learned to eat health and quite purging and starving myself because of some inspirational insight.  However the truth is, I quite because it was too difficult to keep up with my routine and deal with constant severe neck and back pain and atypical migraines.

My family and I are fully aware; I have the potential to develop an eating disorder at any given moment.  I attempt to keep myself from that temptation by remembering the excruciating hunger pains and how weak I felt.  My fear of developing another eating disorder is what has kept me from dieting at all in the past.  I recently started weight watchers in hopes to get back down to a health weight.  Thankfully I have a few friends that know my eating disorder history that help me not get too carried away with my dieting attempt.

We as social workers must keep in mind; things are not always as they appear.  No one in our social class would ever be able to guess I struggled with an eating disorder just by looking at current physical appearance.

 I decided to include a few pictures of myself when I was much smaller.  At the time of both of the pictures, I was already beginning to gain weight.  At the height of my eating disorder I weighed ninety-six pounds and was five foot seven inches tall.

Jennifer Bliss age 19

Jennifer Bliss age 21

Babies

Earlier I had the great pleasure of babysitting my cousin’s six month old little girl, Bridgette.  She is an absolute doll and I really enjoyed getting to see her.  I also have a cousin who has a baby boy, Greyson who is also six months old.   Ironically Bridgette and Greyson were actually born on the exact same day.  Since I absolutely love children and deeply desire to have my own some day, anytime I am in town I try to see the babies as much as possible. 

I read “Night to His Day” in our Readings for Diversity and Social Justice, which made me really look at the differences of how my family treats Bridgette compared to Greyson.  According to Lorber, “For the individual, gender construction starts with assignment to a sex category bon the basis of what the genitalia look like at birth.  The babies are dressed or adorned in a way that displays the category” (Lorber, 2010).   She continues to explain choice in name, clothing, and use of other gender markers creates the gender status (Lorber, 2010).

Bridgette is clearly a female, based not only on her physical genitalia, but her name, her clothes, her toys, blankets, even her diapers scream, “I am a Girl”.  Beyond these clearly defined female items, my Grandmother points out her supposed feminine way of acting and looking.  Quite frankly at this age, I don’t really see much of a difference in their actions.  Bridgette certainly looks female and Greyson is without a doubt male looking.  Of course, I really don’t know if has much to do with their sexual anatomy or the way my family is dressing and raising them. 

I really don’t want to continue rambling about the differences in appearance of my two adorable baby cousins. I decided the easiest way to really demonstrate, how they look is to post a picture.  So you can look at Bridgette and Greyson and use them as I did to more fully understand Lorber’s point about society creating gender identity.

 

 

Bridgette Humphrey                                                    

Greyson
Kent

Questioning Christianity

It is no secret I struggle with my own religious upbringing.  Reading the text for next week over religion and more specifically the unfair dominance of Christianity certainly has not made my personal struggle any easier.

I sometimes wish I could just walk away from my Christian roots, but I recognize this is impossible as many of the Biblical Principles I have been taught still instruct my actions and thoughts on a daily basis.

How can Christians claim to love every individual while at the same time blatantly discriminate, demonize, and damn those individuals?  Of course, I have been repeatedly told, “love the sinner, but hate the sin”.  A scripture in the Bible basically teaches where there is love; this is no room for darkness or hatred.  Perfect love cast out all fear. (Sorry I do not have my Bible with me, and I do remember the exact scriptures or their location.)  So why are a large portion of Christians afraid of other religious beliefs and teachings?  I have been told not to even read books about other religions, because those books will cause me to doubt Christianity.  It’s the actions of individual Christians, that cause me to doubt, not the beliefs and practices of Buddha, Islam, Hindu, Muslim, Jews, etc.

My problem with Christianity is the lack of consistency between the scriptures studied and quoted during church services and the actual actions followed outside the four walls of a church. 

What class do I fit in?

Reading the chapters from Adam’s book about class, made me question, “What class do I fit into?” Prior to my parent’s divorce, my family would have been considered lower-middle class. However once my father was out of the picture, my mom supported me and my brother at below poverty level. I personally have no income at the moment, am I considered lower class?  Do people apply my brother’s middle class income to me, because he helps me financially?  I also wondered about our friends during our teenage years, what made us have a diversified group of friends? I came to realization, that in spite of the fact our friends were racially diversified, the majority of us came from families struggling to put food on the table.  The few friends we had that were financially stable had parents that grew up very poor.  The Mechler family was very well off, so why were they placed in our group of friends?  We did go to the same church, but not our entire group went to that church.  Maybe we became friends because of the similarity of being “different”.  The Mechler girls were half white (father) and half Okinawan (mother); did the upper-class whites reject them, because of their biracial identity?  Is that really why they chose to be friend with a group of “poor” kids?  Of course, I will never fully know how our friends became our friends, I know we all felt “different” for one reason or another.  Regardless of the Mechler family's reasons, I will always be grateful for their friendship.  Mr. Mechler often paid for our entire group of friends to get to go to the movies and eat out (Frequently the only meals my brother and I had came from the Mechler family).  The readings and this class in general is really causing me to question everything. In some ways, I wish I could just appreciate the friendships and opportunities provided to me, but I guess questioning motives and ideologies is part of becoming “educated”.  I just hope all the knowledge does not lessen my gratefulness for the people that have shared in my life journey.

Friends

I have been hanging out with my two closest friends. Brittiny and Tiffany are biracial identical twins. Chapter 14, “50 Experiences of Racially Mixed People” in our book Readings for Diversity and Social Justice prompted me to ask my friends if they had experienced some of the same statements outlined in the chapter. We went through all fifty statements together and I recorded their responses. I thought going the statements would take maybe an hour, but we ended up talking about their experiences for almost three hours last night.  They gave me permission to share some of their experiences. Their mother is a strawberry blonde, blue eyed white woman; while their dad was (recently deceased) a very dark skinned African American man.

Tiffany Watson and Brittiny Watson

1. Both Brittiny and Tiffany stated they have never been told, “You have to choose; you can’t be both.”
2. They have both been mistakenly identified as Puerto Rican, Hispanic, and other ethnicities.
3. Brittiny said she has had people assume her race to be different on the phone than in person. Tiffany said she never experienced that or maybe she just didn’t realize it.
4. They both said people have told them, “You can’t be white because you’re too dark, but you don’t act black enough.”
5. Both have been told how beautiful mixed raced people are.
6. Brittiny said people often ask if they were adopted.
7. They both said when they straighten their hair people don’t think they look black, but when they wear is naturally curly they are told they look black because they have “nappy” hair.
8. Both women have been asked, “What are you?”
9. Brittiny said white people will tell black jokes and often black people tell them white jokes.
10. They frequently get asked, “Where are you from?”
11. They are often started at, especially Tiffany when she wears her hair straightened.
12. They have both been told, “You look exotic.”  Brittiny said that statement usually comes from perverted men.
13. They have never felt their choice of friends has been interpreted as “selling out” because our friends are all different races and a large portion are mixed.
14. They have been accused of “acting or wanting to white,” from African American friend’s parents.
15. Tiffany is dating my cousin, Brad. Our Grandfather asked Brad, “Does she act black?” Which in Tiffany’s opinion was a judgment about her racial authenticity based on the fact my cousin is white.
16. They both said people make comments all the time about their hair and skin color, but it is usually positive so they don’t mind.
17. Brittiny said some of her coworkers joke around calling her “half-breed” and “mutt”.
18. They have been told from African American’s, “You think you’re too good for your own kind.” Tiffany said with whites, they either accept us or ignore our existence.
19. Brittiny and Tiffany experienced a lot of abusive statements and action from their maternal grandmother because of their racial identity. They were called “nigger babies” and were locked in a closet, while their mother was at work.
20. Their parents never “claim” them for their own racial or ethnic group.
21. Tiffany said, “I feel I kind of do get the best of both worlds, because I am allowed to view both white and black culture.
22. Of course, both women have been asked about their racial and/or ethnicity.
23. They have never had anyone act confused about their last name, which is Watson. Brittany said, "You know all black last names are really white last names."
24. People do assume they struggle with figuring out their racial identity.
25. People have come to up to both of the women speaking Spanish, assuming they are Hispanic.
26. They have been told society does not recognized mixed race. This view is very prevalent to them, when they are required to fill out official forms that only allow them to select one race.
27. They have both been told, “You aren’t really black.”
28. They have been mistaken for a different racial and ethnical group.
29. They have not been told they must be full of self loathing because of the way they identify their race.
30. Brittiny said she has been told she is a mistake. Tiffany does not believe anyone has ever actually said it, but she did feel like some people thought it.
31. They are assumed to be the race of the group of people they are hanging out with at the time. If they with predominately African American’s they are consider African American, but when they hang out with my family they are assumed to be white.
32. N/A
33. They both have difficultly filling out forms.
34. They identified themselves as “mulatto” but most people do not even consider that as a racial classification.
35. They are often told, “You are not like other blacks.”
36. Most of their siblings identify has being a mixed race.
37. They have not been called racial slurs from other racial groups, but certainly have been called racial slurs for both “white” and “black”.
38. They have both been told by a few friends, they should only date African American’s.
39. Their parents identified their race as “mulatto”
40. They have been told, “You are not black enough.”
41. When they first moved to Bastrop, people thought their mother was either there babysitter or they were adopted.
42. Strangers have never assumed their father was their “older boyfriend”.
43. They were treated differently by their maternal grandparents, than their older sister who is also mixed, but has more “white” features.
44. When they were in high school, they were very well liked by most of the guys, but were never asked out on dates.
45. They do not wish to be darker, they like the color of their skin.
46. N/A
47. N/A
48. When they lived in Wyoming, they did have friends that would be distant in public places.
49. Tiffany said, “People are often surprised to find out our mom is a strawberry blond, blue eyed woman.”
50. They have never attempted to hide either parent.

Native American Wisdom

I have spent my afternoon reading Zinn’s account of the horrific treatment of Native Americans.  I remember being confused and angry in grade school when I was taught my people, Native Americans were cruel and disgusting because they scalped the white civilized settlers.  I left school feeling ashamed, confused and angry.  My great-great grandmother was visiting, so I ask her, why do they say we were cruel savages? I will never forget her response, “Sissy, what you read in books and are taught by learned people is not always the truth. I want you to do good in school.  Promise you will always remember there is more than one way to tell a story.”  At the time I was too young and lacked the capacity to fully understand what she meant.  However I took those words to heart, many years later I fully understand there is always more than one way to tell a story.

Thanks to her story telling abilities, I had the privilege of learning about my Native American heritage. Her stories caused me to fall in love with the ways of my people. Please view the two video’s below, they are powerful messages from Native Americans.  I fully believe you will find some similarities in the Native American way of thinking and the social work way of thinking.

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Much Has Changed or Has it?

After reading the second chapter of Howard Zinn’s  “A People’s History of The United States”,  I can’t stop thinking about the many women and children who experience sexual abuse or assault in our so called more educated and moral society compared with that of the early colonies.  You may be wondering what does sexual abuse and assault have to do with chapter two on racism? I draw your attention to account of Robert Sweat a white man who impregnated an African American slave. (p.30) Robert Sweat was “punished” by being forced to do public penance for his offense of creating a child with a black woman.  The woman was tied to a whipping post and beat for her transgression. As I have a very tender place within my heart for women and children who suffer the atrocities of sexual abuse and assault, my mind began to contemplate the situation.  I highly doubt the woman had any real choice in whether or not to lay with her white master.  This thought lead me to thinking about the lack of choice women and children are stilled faced with in situation where a man chooses to force himself upon his helpless victim.  Sadly, I can say no much has changed from that time in history until now in regards to sexual abuse and sexual assault.  The only thing real change is these atrocities are better hidden from the public eye. The terror, shame, humiliation, and ambivalence of being a victim of sexual abuse or assault has not changed one bit.  The individual assaulted is often “punished” more harshly than the perpetrator; society still often blames the victim. When will we realize, many victims have to choice of either allowing the perpetrator to do as he wills, or risk being completely annihilated? I know some might be thinking: What is her point? Why is she so passionate about this particular issue?  The simple answer, I have been a victim of both sexual abuse and assault, so the fear and anguish of such situations resonates throughout my entire soul.

I know some of you reading my post, would rather not know my personal horror story.  The reality is I had no real choice in what happened to me. So instead of wishing I would keep my “issues” to myself, maybe you should be blaming the ones who abused me, for the fact you have to deal with the reality that a woman you know has been sexually abused and assaulted.  Forcing survivors to keep silent, is just another way of punishing us for something we did not chose!!!