Lost in My Own Pain

This has been a very difficult week for me.  The subject matters in all my classes have been very heavy.  I have been in contact with my father, for the first time in over a year.  If you haven’t put the pieces together, my father was extremely abusive to me, my brother, and my mother in every way possible.

While talking to him on the phone last night for two hours, for first time in years I saw him as a person who is deeply hurting.  It is easy to look at him as a monster and allow my anger and hurt to block all human qualities from him.  However as he talked about being alone in the hospital, scared of dying and realizing he had no family, I felt his deep pain and could view as a human being.

What am I suppose to with that?  Do I allow him into parts of my life?  Do I completely forgive his past and choose to move forward from today?  I have a million questions running through my head and a million horrific memories that still scream out with excruciating pain.  I feel lost and confused!